As long as I can remember, I’ve had body image issues. As a tall, heavyset woman…that’s not uncommon.
With my first pregnancy, I remember looking at myself in the mirror a lot, or in the selfie pics I was taking, and feeling down about how I looked. I felt like my stomach went down after birth but puffed up again after a few weeks. I still looked pregnant in the face. I couldn’t always find the time to do my hair, so I felt like a mess. I expected so much from my body.
Fast forward 8 years later (I know, that’s a big gap). After getting older, doing a lot of soul searching, and getting heavily into yoga (restorative, yin, and vinyasa flow), I felt so different about my body after birth.
Right after birth, when I took that first shower at the hospital, my stomach didn’t go down immediately. I noticed it, but I didn’t feel bad about it — I just noticed. On the way home from the hospital, my 8-year-old asked me why I still looked pregnant. I almost lost it lol, to be honest. But I explained: I had just had a baby, my body did a lot of work, and it’s going to take me some time to heal.
When I got home, I walked into my room, and the first thing you see is yourself in a full-body mirror. I stood there for a moment. I looked so beautiful to myself. Hair messy, stomach puffy, face still pregnant. I admired the new curves I had.
I also felt so proud of my body — for enduring 10 months of pregnancy, a painful labor, and for feeding my newborn. I had learned to appreciate my body.
And I felt bad for all the years I was mad at it for not being “beautiful.” At the same time, I was grateful that even when I hadn’t learned to appreciate it yet, it never gave up on me.
If you’re in that stage right now — puffy belly, messy hair and all — I hope you know your body hasn’t given up on you either.
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